Following on from Richard’s ’ thread, I haven’t attended a traditional church in a committed way for the last 10 years and I have often asked myself what I miss from not going. My answer to this is the group experience , being part of a social network which I have struggled to find since leaving. I am aware that many people join social clubs and create social networks that can often give some of the same benefits but I suppose I long for some spiritual connection. Since that time I have been part of many starter things but have all failed for various reasons and I know that in some ways I have been the problem leaving me to do much soul searching and self-reflection.
Hidden within the longing to be part of a group is that I have a need to belong. Belonging to me is a sense of ‘being known and knowing others’ in an authentic way. I sensed this to some degree in the traditional church and especially with the vitality of meeting with people of difference especially the broken. I also felt that many in the church could not accept difference or be authentic and vulnerable – therefore I was unable to get to know them.
My journey has taken me to a place of stepping out of the church framework that I have found difficult and painful provoking some fundamental and raw questions about faith, gospel, church, salvation, sin, love, grace etc. Part of me longs to go back to those days, but I know I can never return, but I know and long to be part of a community of people who want to explore humanity in a real and loving way.
The closest I have got to this dream, has been in the Counselling and Psychotherapy community. It has given me a place to be me myself without judgement, a place to explore my flaws without condemnation and a place to learn to listen to others with empathy without the need to provide the answers or try and fix them.
I suppose that old U2 song is still very relevant for me, “I still havn’t found what I’m looking for� but the journey has taught me so much and taken me into areas of my own pain that I would never have explored without this experience and I feel I am a better person because of it. But I still long to be part of an authentic community, I long to explore faith in humanity, and ultimately I still long to belong.
James so much of what you say I can relate too, and agree with.
Just some thoughts, and they are only thoughts o don’t ake htem the wrong way please, but what is it we aim to belong too? do we aim to belong to the church or to God? this sounds such a trite question, but the one thing that I learnt in councilling was that I cannot control what others think about me or anything else, all I can control is me, so therefore I only aim to belong to god and do what God might find good.
Although the idea of belonging to a group is important and relevant. there was some discussion a long time back, where it was discussed about which was most important, belonging or believing? and I recall that the idea was that people look tobelong before they believe, so if people cannot belong to church are they likely to believe?
In our church we have over 140 people who are memebrs, but in our own home group there are about 8 people, whom myself and my wife would probably class more of church than our meeting on sunday mornings.
Our relationships are strong, and friendships unbreakable I would say, the strength is so strong in those relaitonships, and thus our relationship with god as individuals and as a group is somch stronger.
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for suggests a journey, and I guess we are all on one, that song means so much to me as well, and I guess I am still on that journey, and I sitll long to belong, belong to god, an strengthen relationships where ever I ossibly can.
Hi Andy, in many ways I envy what you have. When I lived in the place I was born and brought up in – the word ‘belong’ was irrelevant, it had no purpose – because I belonged to a people, they were my people. I have been living in many places since then in our mobile society and although I have my own family and friends – I still have an ache for something more.
I’m not bothered about belonging to a church, but to the community of humanity – my view is that the closer I become connected to myself and to other members of humanity, the closer i will connect with God – what I understand to be incarnational theology.
I think I would agree James. This is where I found the work I did on church and mission for off the beaten track really helpful. The idea of seeing church and kingdom and mission much closer and church much less defined. Seeing Growing community intentionally guided by the light of christ as church. There is more on this on the blog under Articles – The Tacking church